Incomprehensible

One of the measures used by the Galactic Council to determine a species readiness for entry into the Cosmic fraternity is creativity. The Council sends representatives to visit a planet and to study the culture, art and artifices produced. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out if what a species is producing is truly representative of their creative process or just something they’ve managed to cobble together out of boredom. Up until a few years ago we had high hopes for you third Earthers. But then it seemed as if any creativity you might have been using was simply an illusion. Let us illustrate. You no longer make original movies. You used to but not anymore. Now every movie is based on some book, some comic, some old movie, some game, some carnival ride, some event from your past, some radio show, or some movie which was just out. This is not original. Neither is it interesting. Frankly we have been more intrigued watching hedgehogs trying to negotiate a slippery slope than we have been watching your DVDs. Let us illuminate.

Can it really be that this has not been released until now? How could you let such a classic slip by? How could you live without having the opportunity to view, over and over, the stunning special effects, the captivating writing and the wondrous score of The Black Hole? This was made during the period when Disney thought they knew what they were doing but were really just trying to figure out how the company which made Peter Pan and 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea could have seemed to have forgotten how to make anything even remotely close to that quality. There are cute robots in this so we had to restrain Klaarg while we watched. We’re sorry now that we did since it would have saved us from having to watch all the way to the end

Klaarg was a bit disturbed about the robot thing so when we sent him out to get a new pile of dvds he came back with Cheerleader Camp. It’s about a bunch of cheerleaders who go to camp and then start getting killed. Who can tell why? Certainly not Klaarg who seems to have taken a particular liking to the genre although he does get upset when they die due to their own stupidity as Klaarg thought cheerleaders were smart enough to know not to go out into the woods at night after a bunch of your friends have been murdered. Somehow he’s thinking it has something to do with robots trying to take their places and just not managing it well.

If you Earthers spent as much time fixing the world you live on as you do in imagining it being different your lives would be much better. Sliders – The First And Second Seasons, shows where your true interests lie however as you’d rather slip from place to place, each just slightly different than where you came from just to you can get different flavored ice cream or square potato chips. Most of the events depicted on these discs have been done by other shows—Twilight Zone, Outer Limits, Big Bass fishing with Martin Brundle—so we’re not sure why you spent the time or the energy in making these.

In a move that would make sense only to you people a television show gets canceled because no one is watching it so the powers in charge then go ahead and make a series of movies using the exact same cast, story lines and settings. Babylon 5, The Movie Collection is the result of this logic chain. You get not one but two pre flicks, one mid flick and two post flicks. What you don’t get is a rule book about how to watch these things because if you watch the post flicks before watching the show too much is given away but if you watch the show before watching the post flicks you’re already getting much of the info. Sometimes you are even too incomprehensible for us.

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