Vote for us, or not, as your capriciousness allows

August 26, 2010
Screen shot of the Max Headroom hijacker

Image via Wikipedia

We have been studying your elections processes since it seems that it is that “time of year” for your species. We discovered this by noting the increased amount of signage that has become stuck to the front of our bumper like device as we continue to learn how to maneuver your quaint combustable engined vehicles through your maze of tarry paths. It seems like everyone is running for one office or another. In fact after passing through one intersection we noted that we had to remove a number of signages that indicated multiple people who apparently wanted to occupy the same office space. Odd, but then they are Earthers. And speaking of odd we have noted that these, politicians, while behaving like an entirely different species are actually Earthers just like the rest of you. And so we study. Well, except for Klaarg who finds your politicians too robot like for his phobia.

In any case, to use an Earther colloquialism, we have been looking at your election past time and wondering why you spend so much energy on an event that seems to, simply put, just piss you all off (another colloquialism). It seems to us, and granted we have only been studying you for a few transits, that your system is flawed. And Klaarg reminds us that we should note that we speak of the American system and not all systems since we have not yet had the opportunity to study other systems, say like the Latvians, who, we are sure, have a much superior system than the one we are witnessing now, although we cannot, scientifically speaking, be sure. It seems that your elections consist of nothing more than a select group of people trying to convince the remaining mass to put them into a fancy office so that they can then ignore that remaining group of people for a multiple of years or until it becomes a half transit prior to the next election, at which point everyone seems to care again. This does not seem to be a good way to run a planet (which might explain a lot of the other things we have been noting, like the ozone depletion, the acidity of your sky water, and the complaints from your cetaceans about your rudeness).

Simply put, why do you not put into office that person who is best suited for that office based on actual credentials and not on a series of short and unamusing television series? It baffles us still and will take more study, although we note the short window of opportunity we have. Oh yes, and we have a large collection of signs if anyone would like them as they apparently do not compost at all and tossing them into the ram scoop gave the ship indigestion. And speaking of indigestion let us look at this weeks dvd releases.

So, at first we were a tad bit confused and thought this was just one more documentary about Los Angeles. But, then we reread the box and discovered that this was actually one of your future looking shows called Max Headroom We find these to be fascinating as we think they continue to reflect the very dim view you have of your own ability to survive. This time you are televising your demise, which we think you will probably actually do. We find this extremely entertaining and Klaarg, for one, was very glad to finally see a robot free future. Will you enjoy it? How are we to know these things. Be a sentient species and take the responsibility to find out for yourself.

Speaking of futures that never happened, we discovered the mocumentary In The Shadow Of The Moon which purports to document how humans, between the years 1968 and 1972 (and don’t get us started on your system of dating which is incredibly confusing since you have to know which culture you are in before you know when you are) visited your moon. We admired the way the filmmakers made it look as if these events actually took place on your satellite’s surface and not in some sound stage in your California dream in town. It was very well done although we were not familiar with the actors at all and we think it was probably a low budget production since the acting was a bit wooden and we have not seen mention of Aldrin, Armstrong, Bean or Schmidt in any other filmatic ventures. Still we all enjoyed this comedy and recommend it to everyone.

We really need to subscribe to Netflix or just figure out how to stream videos to the mothership because sending Klaarg to the video store can sometimes be problematic. First, it takes him forever to return. And he’s a navigator! How the academy every granted him a license is sometimes beyond us. We think his pods know pods that have similar genetic material. Or perhaps there was a conjunctional interfacing. Hard to say, but a navigator he is none-the-less. Regardless of how Klaarg got his tenstacles on the ships controls we sometimes wonder if he just can’t find the new releases section in the video store. This would explain how we ended up having to watch Horror High which apparently is about a high school in some town named Horror. The actual location is probably kept secret to protect the actors. In any case, this video just details the normal occurrences in high school–bullying, cliquism, razing, hazing, torture and murder. There’s also some subplot about a chemistry syrup that mutates a student into a horrible creature which we thought was a bit redundant. In any case if you want to relive your high school years then you should definitely go out and get this one. If, however, you have moved beyond assault, battery and mayhem then maybe you’ll want to move past this one as well. Klaarg liked it–no robots.

Well, we had two more really excellent new video releases to tell you about but Hummer has started his imitating of your politicians and it is just too amusing for us to get him to stop, what with all that tenstacle waving and orating and gesticulation. He really does capture the essence of the stump speech as well as the stump itself–maple this time we think but we won’t be sure until we get to taste it. So, until next time, Spa Fon and keep the Spooze warm.