Greenings and Words of Warning

The FBI Seal where the circle of stars represe...

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It has come to our attention that there exists, on your internets, material which might be construed as being indicative of us, or at least some of us. Klaarg, while inter-id surfing, managed to stumble on the following web location: Invisible Friends. Go and look, we will wait.

Ah, you return. No doubt you see the similarity just as Klaarg did and as the rest of us do. While we have not yet had a chance to study your mental illness we are sure that this Mr. Sawicki, who is the purported writer behind this fantasy, has it. With the assistance of the FBI database and a few other governmental repositories of information we have discerned that this once mentioned individual has been sending out notices concerning talking monkeys, dogs, fish, and, gasp, aliens. We can only imagine where he comes up with these things? Surely not his imagination. We have studied Earther imagination and it is more rated than it deserves. That being the case, Klaarg would like to, at this time, remind you that Mr. Sawicki is not only a writer but undoubtedly on medication. This means that you must take anything he says or writes with considerable numbers of sodium crystals or, as one of your beloved leaders once said, and we are not sure exactly which one it was, “strange days indeed.” If this Mr. Sawicki’s writings were by some chance true, then the merchandising for such things as Spooze, alien action figures with full tenstacular action, model motherships, a ‘monkey dung’ video game, t-shirts, etc. would already be snapped up. We would also like to point out that under the interstellar creator code of Admok21113, the full rights to any such creations would belong not to Mr. Sawicki but to the aforementioned non-existent aliens.

While we regret to having to spend space we were hoping to utilize to further destruct your selection process (November is quickly coming as your planet rotates) on this unfortunate discovery, we are also glad to be able to take this time to dissuade those of you who may have stumbled on this sad excuse for funny from taking it seriously. So, in the spirit of interstellar harmony, we hope that you will take Mr. Sawicki’s wanderings of the mind in the same light as which they were written–most likely a dim, barely visible one.

We express our mutual gratitude in advance. Please acknowledge that our next visitation will revert to our selection of video reports (assuming we can get Klaarg to return to the video store after his lasts ill-fated venturing out (which we hope you did not read in your newsprinted journals. Until next time, feel free to send DNA, or just message and we’ll come to you. Bye for now and please just delete any further notes, letters, manila packages or emails you may get from Mr. Sawicki without actually reading them. Feel no guilt. His mind is sideways.


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